Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
