i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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