Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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