Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
