Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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