the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
