guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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