I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
