In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
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You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
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Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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