So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
