the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
