A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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