Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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