i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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