Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
