Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
