The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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