So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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