The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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