Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
