well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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