I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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