Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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