The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
