I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
