So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
please come you make the beer taste better
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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