you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
