we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs are out for the taking
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize