So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
