If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
