Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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