I think my fart just growled at me.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
