I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Found your dick twin last night
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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