oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
