He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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