So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
