Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
