the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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