A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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