so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Still dying that you shit outside
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
