Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
