At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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