My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
