halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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