Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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