Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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