he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
