When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
