so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
