This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
