Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
dude. I can hear the air.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
