I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
