she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
