Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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