On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
