So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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