trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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