This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
