Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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