So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
