were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
