Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
