the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
