Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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