11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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