You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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