sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
