Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
