don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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