My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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