he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
