Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
