I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
