he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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