what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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