before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
