It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
