Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
