Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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