umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
